No matter what I do… A great self-deception

Do you ever use that one, “No matter what I do…”?

I caught myself saying that today. It was regarding eating. I used to have it in every area of my life, but it seems that the Harmonize audio has zapped that excuse almost completely out of use.

The “No matter what I do…” is not for public consumption, very rarely, if ever, I hear it from a student. I feel it, and I identify it… the answer is always a chuckle.

The feeling is a tight belt or rope from underarm to underarm. Painful, restricting, completely blocking your movement forward. Self-imposed, unreal, much more effective than anything real that you need to face.
The behavior: no action. Not even an attempt. It is used as a jolly joker in card games: it replaces any action with the statement. If you can say: “No matter what I do…” plus no action: for you it is as good as have acted and failed.

The chuckle is irrepressible, it is like a micro-expression, it happened before you are conscious that it’s coming. Then it disappears as fast as it came, and you are back again in the seriousness of your victimhood.

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