You want love, unconditional love, and you spend your life testing others… no love

You want unconditional love so much that you miss it…

How do you miss something? You miss everything if you are not in the present. If you don’t feel. If you don’t enjoy. If you keep your attention on some hope or desire that will come in the future. Like the coming of the Messiah… you’ll miss it. You have been missing it.

Unconditional love … here we go again.

As I am working through people’s issues in the Activate Divinity Course, I am running into this phenomenon: something bad happens and they are hurt. But hurt not just on the surface, they are deeply hurt.

Example #1: your mother tells you to beware and not go far out on the ocean. “What does she know?” you say and you swim out only to find that the under-toe took you so far, you can’t see anything but water all around.

Your mother is an excellent swimmer, finds you, saves you, and then spanks you, and yells. As a child you can’t deal with that seeming controversy. You expect to be just loved or just beaten, but not both. Your little mind wants to crack, so you hide the real cause of that conflict: you expected to be loved unconditionally, and this does not look right.

Example #2: you steal doll clothes in the store. Your parents find it and punish you: same thing.

You have this deep desire to be loved and cherished, but the subconscious will always act up: you’ll check if the person really loves you, unconditionally. You become cheeky, talk back, act as if you wanted to invite punishment, only to test if they love you, only to prove something…

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